Monday, June 15, 2009


Let me apologize in advance for this really, really long post. I've had a lot on my mind, and I'm getting it all out with this post, so consider yourself warned. Haha.

For those of you who don't know, I moved up to Louisville a little more than a week ago on Friday, June 5. I knew that moving to Louisville would be an adjustment, but I didn't anticipate how hard of an adjustment it would be. My first weekend here was really rough for me. I moved in Friday night and then Saturday I went to a wedding with some new dental school friends. The whole trip, I kept thinking about all of my BG friends and got really depressed. We didn't get back to Louisville until Sunday afternoon, and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to finish unpacking. At the point, everything just hit me really hard. If you know me at all, you know I can be a sentimental/emotional guy. Everything I unpacked reminded me in some way of WKU and all of my friends in BG. Needless to say, I went home the next day. I actually went back up to Louisville that night with some good friends from high school, a couple of which live in Louisville. We went to a Bats game and then hung out for a while on Bardstown Rd., and that turned out to be a really fun night, which is just what I needed. It was reassuring to know that I can have fun in Louisville. I don't mean anything against the people I've met from dental school so far, but it was just really hard for me to go from constantly being around really, really close friends all of the time to being around people that I liked, but barely knew.

I ended up making a trip back down to BG while I was home to see everyone still down there. Another thing that's been kinda hard for me to swallow is that all of my best friends are still in BG. Either they live there or will be back there in the fall, and I don't like the fact that I'll be away from them. I guess it's one of my flaws, but I hate the fact that there will be stuff that I'm gonna miss out on with them. Anyway, the visit to BG was exactly what I needed. I got to spend some time with more family when I got back to Etown, and now I'm back in Louisville, a week after I left.

Here comes the part that's difficult to write, mainly because I don't exactly know how to string all of these thoughts together into words, but also because I'm about to be really open....yeah. So bear with me, haha. I know that in time, God will make this adjustment easier. I'll get used to Louisville, I'll make a ton of new friends at school, and everything will be ok. I've been praying for that, and I know that God has brought me to Louisville for a reason. I need to have faith that He will do things in His own time. The human that I am wants things to happen now, and that's not how God works. And this sounds dumb, and there may be more of you out there who think this way too, but part of me is afraid of losing my friends in BG. I know it's ridiculous, but that's how my mind works. Many of my best friends from high school are still in BG, and there are those who I've become friends with in the last 4 years who are still in BG as well. I know that people who I'm that close to won't just stop being my friend just because I live 2 hours away. Our friendships are stronger than that. God has blessed me with those friends, and I know we'll be friends for life. It's just hard being away from them when you're used to being around them all the time for 2-4 years, or longer. Along with that, I've been surrounded by a great community for 4 years. The BCM has been such a blessing to me. I made so many friends there, and I experienced so much growth in my time there. I was also blessed with a great church home in BG at Living Hope. I felt like a part of the community there, and not just some college kid who was stopping by for a 4 year visit. I got connected there, I was loved, I was able to serve, and God helped me grow so much while I was there. That type of community I had in BG isn't here in Louisville. That has been hard to swallow too. No accountability, no church family...another reason I love BG so much. I realize that God will lead me to a new church here in Louisville and that in time, I'll have that same type of community. But again, it's just hard to leave that environment. At times, I feel like I'm alone, which is ridiculous because there are plenty of WKUers who are from Louisville and are home for the summer. And I've got high school friends and family up here. And ultimately, even without them, I'm not alone because I've got the Creator of the universe with me at all times. While that should be more than comforting, it still isn't enough at times. It just goes to show how flawed I am and how much I really do need God.

I apologize if all of that depressed you or made you wonder if I'm an insecure nutcase...I'm not I promise, haha. I just had a lot that has built up over the last week or so that I needed to get out. I've told some people about it, namely family and a few friends, but I've kept it mostly to myself because I didn't want everyone to think that I'm insane. I also wasn't sure about how to tell people without sounding like a needy, attached person. (I may have done that anyway with this post, haha) I guess the sucky part is that a lot of people experience this when they first start college, and I'm just now going through it now. But all of that said, I KNOW that God has led me here to Louisville. I know He has plans for me and that dental school is where I'm supposed to be right now. I know that the friends He's blessed me with will never let me down, and I know He'll bless me with new friends, a new church home, and a great support system here in Louisville. I've just gotta have faith, and sadly, that's sometimes the hardest part because of who I am...a human and a sinner. Thankfully, God is so much bigger than any of my problems and has a much bigger, clearer vision of what's in store for me than I could ever dream of. Thank you Lord for being everything I'll ever need. :)

1 comment:

Jessica said...

We love you and miss you here in BG Ryan! You are gonna do great things in Lville too!